Intimacy

Thursday’s Child began a really awesome Sex and Intimacy project recently. She asked for volunteers and i couldn’t resist LOL So i filled out her questionnaire, and she’s put my answers on her blog! I’ve re-posted them below – but check out her blog to read about the project and the answers from other people who have participated in the project :)

This is the view *I* get .... ~faints~ I'm such a lucky girl

What does intimacy mean to you? How do you define intimacy?

Intimacy is the closeness between two people. It’s the way they interact with each other that serves to keep them connected emotionally and it reaffirms the bond they have with one another.

Do you think that all acts of sex are necessarily intimate?

No. Some acts of sex are purely for physical pleasure or mental pleasure unrelated to intimacy.

What about sex makes it intimate?

The physical proximity coupled with nudity in various stages is part of what makes sex intimate. We’re vulnerable when we’re exposing ourselves to someone. Also, allowing someone to touch us in ways that only a select few are allowed to helps to make sex an intimate act.

Makes it not intimate?

When the act is purely for physical or mental needs – but not for emotional/love/acceptance needs.

When is sex intimate?

For me, it’s when there is caressing, gazing in each others eyes, gentle smiles, a great desire to please and be pleasing. Also, letting oneself ‘go’ so to speak… allowing that person into your inner sanctum of sorts.

Are some sexual acts more intimate than others?

Yes – face to face sexual positions, male to female oral sex. (sometimes female to male – depending on the dynamic that particular time) and generally any position in which there is a lot of body to body contact. It’s almost like, the more skin that’s touching, or the more private the area being touched, the more intimate the act is.

Is the act of sex an intimate act for you? Why or why not? Does it change depending on who your partners are?

The act of sex is not always intimate for me. There are times where we just want to be connected to each other and the sex is something like what people call “love making”. These times take longer, are more detailed in what happens, and are very satisfying emotionally. Sometimes, however, sex is simply an act for the purpose of satisfying a hunger/desire/need. These experiences lack most of the things i deem as intimate. Also – it depends on the partner. When there is a great connection (more than physical) between the people involved, then sex is far more intimate compared to sex with partners with whom i’m not heavily committed or attracted to.

How do you perceive the differing levels of intimacy when multiple partners are involved?

Multiple partners at once? If my primary partner is involved in the fun, then there is definitely a compass of sorts that always points toward him in terms of intimacy. Meaning, if there are 4 people on the bed, i know i can reach out to him with my hands, or my eyes, and get the connection that i need at that time (which i cannot do with the other’s present) multiple partners seperately? The one who shares most about my life will be the one with whom i feel the most intimacy. They are aware of ME.. of who i am.. of what i am about and therefore we have a vested interest in keeping things at a certain level – hence greater intimacy. The others might have SOME level of intimacy with me, but not nearly as much as the one with whom i share myself most with. Having said that, i’m sure that there could be a circumstance where that feeling was shared with more than one person at a time.

What about sex without intimacy, like sex between strangers? Can there still be a level of intimacy that builds between two people because of the act of sex itself?

Yes. I believe that a level of intimacy CAN be built because of the act of sex itself. It automatically separates and distinguishes your ‘relationship’ with that person compared to others who you are not sexually active with. When you see each other in public after the sex act, for example, you might share a knowing look, or touch each other in ways that are more intimate than how you touch others, but perhaps less intimate than how you touch your primary intimate partner.

What about intimacy in virtual relationships, like online where the sex itself may be virtual?

This is where the closeness comes in. It doesn’t have to be physical. The mental aspect is a major part of it in many ways. In virtual relationships one can divulge intimate details about themselves and open themselves emotionally to another, just as they can in person. Of course they can’t act on that sexually WITH that person, but it doesn’t change the fact that they FEEL that connection, that intimacy. I think virtual relationships get a bad wrap because of the predators and users that are out there. But, for the ones who are sincere in their thoughts and words – it can be a very intimate and rewarding experience for both parties involved.

Please tell me a little bit about sex and intimacy in your own life.

Hmmm… In my past relationships i always felt like sex HAD to be intimate. It had to be tender (for the most part). It had to be emotionally satisfying and reaffirming. But, i had an extreme event in my life that allowed me to look at the world in a different way – and since then, i can completely separate the two, or combine them in any combination that is suiting for that moment. I can’t believe that i missed out on such great sex! LOL That may sound like a funny statement, but – in the context of where i came from, it makes perfect sense. See… by thinking that sex WAS intimacy, i thought that any roughness, any ‘vulgarity’, and any sluttiness on either person’s part – was taking away from the intimacy. I thought that being like a ‘porn’ start in bed couldn’t happen with the person you love!

I can’t imagine my life that way any more. My partner and i are the MOST intimate we’ve ever been with any partner before! We share loving looks several times a day. We hug long, true, and deeply. We kiss like we mean it. We touch each other and keep our bodies in contact nearly every time we’re near each other. we say ‘I love you’ several times a day. I touch his face with my hands while looking into his eyes. He caresses my head and hair while kissing my forehead. And when we lay down together at the end of a long day, we simply sink into one another… let out a long breath, and relax….

A peace washes over us…

We’ve often joked about how we can fuck like beasts one minute, harsh movements, names, vulgar dirty words and actions; then five minutes after we’re done, we do all the things mentioned in the paragraph above! LOL The contrast is decadent! And i wish it on everyone! LOL